Don’t Stop Believing

It’s been a very long time since I’ve been single. Spent a whole year stuck on love, then I created a very strong shield to protect myself from getting hurt again. The days passed by, and I kept my walls built up so high.

I used to believe in true love, where everything is romantic, where your story is a fairytale and where all you can see around you is magic. But that’s when I was younger, and blind with the idea of love.

Since I was young and wreckless, I didn’t think of what would happen when I’m with someone. Unfortunately, the thing I’ve had with the one who I thought I loved, wasn’t love. That screwed me over big time.

I am convinced, since forever, that happiness comes within yourself and doesn’t depend on a lover. The difference this time is, that I don’t believe in spontaneous love anymore.

I’ve met a bunch of people who I felt attracted to, but my heart always said no, along with my insecurities. I tried to put myself out there but it wasn’t what I thought it would be.

Then I realized, why would I stop believing, if what I had before failed? Failure is a sign of success. I also happen to know someone who fell in love in the craziest way possible, so I guess anything can happen in this world.

Being single isn’t a bad thing at all, it helps you focus on yourself, be a better, and a much stronger person. Also, being in a relationship isn’t bad at all either, as long as the relationship isn’t toxic.

In our Century, falling in love spontaneously or at first sight is unlikely or rather rare, but it is the perfect romantic story. But what I do believe in right now, is that Love exists, for everyone, the only thing is, it’s different for each one of us and that what makes it beautiful.

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The Truth

He loved someone once, he was little, he didn’t know much. He was blinded by the lies that he thought they were true. But one day he opened his eyes and realized.

THE TRUTH.

They never loved him back, or maybe they did, but it wasn’t enough for him. Something was missing but he couldn’t see what it is.

What was hidden, is now in plain sight. None of it was bright. Now that he understands, now that he sees, he couldn’t but speak.

They chose something else, something replaceable but not to them, it became an addiction, something you can’t quit without help.

Then he thought: am I that worthless to them? after all the promises they made, after all the love I gave, am I still that worthless?

All of a sudden he changed, he was free from the lies, saved by the truth. He was ready to fly, free from his roots.

Although he was marked, by the biggest scar. A scar so deep, it might not heal, but it certainly changed him to something new, something better, something sweet.

 

 

What is The Sky Trying to Say?

So he walked, and climbed until he found the biggest empty spot. It was rocky, on top of a hill, and all he could hear was the sound of the wind. It gently brushed his silky black hair, but made his body shiver and his mind stray.

He looked above, at the sparkling sky, took his finger and drew a line. He was mesmerized by the shining stars, telling a story with every line. He drew a shape, then he craved, he did it again, he was amazed.

“What is the sky trying to say? I can’t read nor recognise the shape. ”

Suddenly he felt a sting in his arm, it was loose and completely numb. He slapped it, stung it, and gave it a tug, but nothing seemed to wake it up.

Until he looked in front of him.

A layer of clouds covering the alleys, and a set of lights bursting from under. A mix of colors brushing the clouds, giving the boy a wave of pride.

He forgot about the pain, even though it didn’t go away. So he just lied above the clouds, drawing some more into the sky.

With a smile on his face, he understood what the sky was trying to say.

The Anchor

I tried to forget, I tried to be nonchalant, but I failed. I couldn’t get used to it, and the more I tried the more I failed.

I thought anchors are supposed to be good, I’ve always wanted someone to always be with me, I’ve always wanted someone to hold on to. But it wasn’t the good kind of anchors.

It was holding me back, tying me up, suffocating me. I couldn’t breathe, and all the colors I was seeing disappeared.

My lips, they were trying to say something, no sound was coming out though, and I couldn’t even figure out what was I saying, it felt like I was blacking out.

I saw something in that dim space, but I couldn’t quite make it out. But then I saw it, I saw my anchor, in front of me, on my left, on my right, behind me…. everywhere.

It felt like I was trapped in time, and no one could save me.

I was mortified, I wanted to run but I couldn’t, my brain lost control of its’ organs, it’s like my whole system had crashed and there was no way to reboot it.

My dream is awaiting but I couldn’t seem to get there no matter how hard I tried, I never wanted to be the ship that never sailed, but I’ll never top trying.

One day I’ll get rid of that anchor.

 

The Law is Senile!

I know I’ve been M.I.A but in order to have a good GPA you have to work your hardest. Anyway I decided to come back with a very common article, which is about Homophobia.

So there is this astonishing young woman, she goes by “Max”, who’s only 17, and doing a very good job at life in general. But what I admire most about her, is her fearless acts of “Freedom of Speech”, which is a very simple right that all of us should practice PUBLICLY and FEARLESSLY!

Max gathered some of her friends (with LGBTQ rights), at her school, and called for a debate with another group of people (against the matter). Some of our brothers and sisters from the LGBTQ community offered her some help with only sharing some life obstacles due to living in a homophobic environment, I for one shared a little bit of my struggles that most of the LGBTQ members go through.

See it’s not that easy living in such homophobic society, not generalizing, there are people who actually have functioning brain cells to speak logic. It’s not that we want to be as equal as you are, because our creative and opened minds can take us to unbelievable places, besides who I sleep with ain’t your business. We just want FREEDOM

Max took the time to speak up about this, she fought with every breath to convince the opposing team how their narrow minds can hurt LGBTQ members, and how unhuman they are to deny such basic rights for them.

Before you go on and read what she has to say, I just wanna express how brave she was to defend such cause, it is important, especially in our society, to fight and ALWAYS try to remind people that we are as human as they are. She’s been very inspiring, I’ve always been a fighter for what I believe in, but to see people like her (I’m sure there is more of them) fight for what they believe in makes me want to live and fight even more to make a change.

Max’s words:

When I speak about the LGBTQ community in Lebanon I get a certain ache in my heart. Because, for a while I became very selective when it came to my friends. I’d keep the open-minded ones close and the racist/homophobic/sexist ones far. And through that time I got the illusion that the acceptance of the LGBT community in Lebanon is gradually improving. Until, this debate popped my bubble and brought me back to reality. When the opposing team walked in, it seemed as if they were coming just for the fight. They were homophobic and they wanted validation. They weren’t accepting of any opposing point of views. The comments I heard were mean, demeaning and dehumanizing sometimes. I was not even sure how to take them, when I a straight person feel offended by such comments I can’t help but think how bad LGBTQ people would actually feel hearing them.

This experience was an eye opener, be it because of my direct contact with the LGBTQ community in Lebanon, and my contact with the homophobic community in Lebanon. When you share these people’s suffering in their own country, their own “home”, you cannot help it but advocate the voice of reason. You cannot help but ask the future generations not to hide behind religion and society’s norms but to revolt against them. To have a mind of their own. To accept other people’s differences and not marginalize them for being different.

My final message is: judge people not based on their differences but on their resemblances for we are all equal in humanity.

Please do share this with all your friends, one person alone can’t make much of a difference, we stand together for Freedom!!!

SHe

She’s always felt like she was born in the wrong body, but never dared to tell anyone. Her parents would kick her out of the house, so she kept her mouth shut because she needed protection. Until she realized, one day, that she doesn’t deserve this kind of unfair life she’s living, she would rather hustle all her life then to be around someone who doesn’t accept her and force her to be someone that she’s not.

She left her home, and her parents let her. The streets were her home now, she beared the cold, she beared the dark and the wolves. She ate from the garbage to stand on her feet, but she never surrendered. She wanted to prove to the filthy community the badass man she is, she wanted to prove to herself that she deserves a better life, and most of all that she deserves to be free.

She never wore girly clothes, she always tucks her boobs so she looks like man. Everyone bullied her, shamed and insulted her. Every night she goes to bed, she would sleep with tears in her eyes, because of them and because of the thought that she cannot be the man she wanted to be. But when the sun comes up, she gets up stronger than the day before, walks out the door and fights to be free.

She finally changed, she finally got what she wanted, she finally looks like a man, and the “She” is now a “He.” He was the happiest, he felt free, he felt fully comfortable with his own skin. He was always a man at heart, but now his outside matches his feelings.

They never stopped the shaming once they knew, but he learned to fight for what he believed in, he learned to be happy, and he learned to only let the right people into his life. He’s on the top of the world and no one can take away his freedom now. And with this act of bravery, he saved his life and saved a lot of little boys and girls from living his horrid childhood.

 

Hi, I’m gay, I love you ♡

     I used to believe in love from first sight, I used to believe in sweet talks and all, but after experiencing several situations in our gay community, my beliefs has gone with the wind.

     “Hi, I’m gay, I love you!” That’s how it usually goes, okay maybe not that fast, it goes like “Hi, I’m gay, *inserts role* *inserts age* I love you”
Yeah, whatever dude, go play somewhere else!

     Some don’t understand how “love” works, it’s not by saying the word it’s by living it (at least that’s what I believe in).
See I’ve seen the ones who say I love you and never prove it, the ones who say I love you and don’t mean it, the ones who say I love you just to get laid, and the ones who say I love you TO YOU but they mean it for SOMEONE ELSE.

     I think that men by nature feel vulnerable, so they seek love and affection, and some of them just take advantage of you without even blinking.

     I used to be one of those who say “I love you” thinking that I feel what I’m saying but realising that:
– First: the guy I’m saying it to, doesn’t deserve the slightest of my feelings.
– Second: I’m feeling something but it’s still not as big as Love.

I know so little about Love, and I’m hoping one day to get to know the real feeling, but what I do know is that don’t say things bigger than what the feelings are, because that may cause some heartbreaking consequences.

Feelings- no matter what they are- are so beautiful and overwhelming so cherish them.

To Good To Be True

He’s the one that came into my life that easy, and disappeared out of it easier.

He looked into my eyes and didn’t say a thing, but I felt every word in his heart that his mouth couldn’t say.

He layed in my arms, his eyes closed, he looked as peaceful as a baby in his sleep. His hand holding mine, squeezing hard to let me know he’s awake.

The silence didn’t bother me, it was the good kind of silence. His heartbeats, his breath, his touch, were all I needed to connect with him with no words.

I felt a whole new kind of calmness, a whole new kind of happiness. But it never was love.

I had those feelings, the ones that make you feel light and high, but I hid them away, I tried to be the big boy and save myself the heartbreak. But my heart kept beating as if to free it.

I couldn’t, there was a voice in my head that kept saying “Don’t, you’ll end up heartbroken”

It wasn’t wrong. The moment came and he disappeared into thin air, as easy as it sounds. I was left in the middle of nowhere, all the green turned to black.

It was too good to be true.

 

Updates

Hi everyone, I know I haven’t posted anything since forever, but I am too busy with university, some freelance projects, and family issues. By the way, it’s April’s fool, and my friend joked with me about it this morning. He was like “Anicorn, I need to tell you something… I’m pregnant. I’m gonna be a mother, can’t abandon my child, but I really don’t know who the father is!” and then he named like 15 guys that might be the father! I laughed my ass off, and was so happy to be surrounded with all those beautiful souls.

This post is a 100% true, but if anyone pulled a prank on you today I would LOVE to hear the story in a comment!!

Anyway, I have 4 classes with the same teacher, and that is driving me nuts! I mean how can anyone stand one teacher for six hours? His voice literally get stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

My major has been so much fun since the beginning, and I’m getting the chance to put myself out there. My friends and I are creating designs on t-shirts for high school seniors, it’s been fun but kids are just so spoilt, ughhhh!!!

HOWEVER, my friend fixed me on a date with someone. She was so desprate to get me to go on a date, because I was so down lately and she needs the drama to talk about.
Let’s just say it turned out so great, like you can’t even imagine how happy I was afterwards.
Things are still developing, not really over thinking it, but for the first time I’m glad it’s happening.

So that kind of sums up what I have been up to lately. I’m scared of what might happen next with the guy but I’m also excited about it. I just hope not to mess things up. He’s just so sweet and kind and I’m not used to that. But I’m choosing to be happy!

Have a great weekend bloggers and readers! Thank you for reading my posts,  and Stay Fab!!

Anicorn