The Anchor

I tried to forget, I tried to be nonchalant, but I failed. I couldn’t get used to it, and the more I tried the more I failed.

I thought anchors are supposed to be good, I’ve always wanted someone to always be with me, I’ve always wanted someone to hold on to. But it wasn’t the good kind of anchors.

It was holding me back, tying me up, suffocating me. I couldn’t breathe, and all the colors I was seeing disappeared.

My lips, they were trying to say something, no sound was coming out though, and I couldn’t even figure out what was I saying, it felt like I was blacking out.

I saw something in that dim space, but I couldn’t quite make it out. But then I saw it, I saw my anchor, in front of me, on my left, on my right, behind me…. everywhere.

It felt like I was trapped in time, and no one could save me.

I was mortified, I wanted to run but I couldn’t, my brain lost control of its’ organs, it’s like my whole system had crashed and there was no way to reboot it.

My dream is awaiting but I couldn’t seem to get there no matter how hard I tried, I never wanted to be the ship that never sailed, but I’ll never top trying.

One day I’ll get rid of that anchor.

 

Hi, I’m gay, I love you ♡

     I used to believe in love from first sight, I used to believe in sweet talks and all, but after experiencing several situations in our gay community, my beliefs has gone with the wind.

     “Hi, I’m gay, I love you!” That’s how it usually goes, okay maybe not that fast, it goes like “Hi, I’m gay, *inserts role* *inserts age* I love you”
Yeah, whatever dude, go play somewhere else!

     Some don’t understand how “love” works, it’s not by saying the word it’s by living it (at least that’s what I believe in).
See I’ve seen the ones who say I love you and never prove it, the ones who say I love you and don’t mean it, the ones who say I love you just to get laid, and the ones who say I love you TO YOU but they mean it for SOMEONE ELSE.

     I think that men by nature feel vulnerable, so they seek love and affection, and some of them just take advantage of you without even blinking.

     I used to be one of those who say “I love you” thinking that I feel what I’m saying but realising that:
– First: the guy I’m saying it to, doesn’t deserve the slightest of my feelings.
– Second: I’m feeling something but it’s still not as big as Love.

I know so little about Love, and I’m hoping one day to get to know the real feeling, but what I do know is that don’t say things bigger than what the feelings are, because that may cause some heartbreaking consequences.

Feelings- no matter what they are- are so beautiful and overwhelming so cherish them.

To Good To Be True

He’s the one that came into my life that easy, and disappeared out of it easier.

He looked into my eyes and didn’t say a thing, but I felt every word in his heart that his mouth couldn’t say.

He layed in my arms, his eyes closed, he looked as peaceful as a baby in his sleep. His hand holding mine, squeezing hard to let me know he’s awake.

The silence didn’t bother me, it was the good kind of silence. His heartbeats, his breath, his touch, were all I needed to connect with him with no words.

I felt a whole new kind of calmness, a whole new kind of happiness. But it never was love.

I had those feelings, the ones that make you feel light and high, but I hid them away, I tried to be the big boy and save myself the heartbreak. But my heart kept beating as if to free it.

I couldn’t, there was a voice in my head that kept saying “Don’t, you’ll end up heartbroken”

It wasn’t wrong. The moment came and he disappeared into thin air, as easy as it sounds. I was left in the middle of nowhere, all the green turned to black.

It was too good to be true.

 

Updates

Hi everyone, I know I haven’t posted anything since forever, but I am too busy with university, some freelance projects, and family issues. By the way, it’s April’s fool, and my friend joked with me about it this morning. He was like “Anicorn, I need to tell you something… I’m pregnant. I’m gonna be a mother, can’t abandon my child, but I really don’t know who the father is!” and then he named like 15 guys that might be the father! I laughed my ass off, and was so happy to be surrounded with all those beautiful souls.

This post is a 100% true, but if anyone pulled a prank on you today I would LOVE to hear the story in a comment!!

Anyway, I have 4 classes with the same teacher, and that is driving me nuts! I mean how can anyone stand one teacher for six hours? His voice literally get stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

My major has been so much fun since the beginning, and I’m getting the chance to put myself out there. My friends and I are creating designs on t-shirts for high school seniors, it’s been fun but kids are just so spoilt, ughhhh!!!

HOWEVER, my friend fixed me on a date with someone. She was so desprate to get me to go on a date, because I was so down lately and she needs the drama to talk about.
Let’s just say it turned out so great, like you can’t even imagine how happy I was afterwards.
Things are still developing, not really over thinking it, but for the first time I’m glad it’s happening.

So that kind of sums up what I have been up to lately. I’m scared of what might happen next with the guy but I’m also excited about it. I just hope not to mess things up. He’s just so sweet and kind and I’m not used to that. But I’m choosing to be happy!

Have a great weekend bloggers and readers! Thank you for reading my posts,  and Stay Fab!!

Anicorn

My New Obsession

Okay, okay so I’m gonna share with you  my newest obsession. it’s been going on for the 3 days now and I think it’s gonna follow for the next couple of weeks, maybe more I don’t even know.

So I’m not sure if any of you knows Michael J. Willet, BUT he’s one of my favorite gay artists out there. I’ve known him since he acted in the “GBF” movie, loved him even more in “Faking it” (which also premiered yesterday) as Shane Harvey the sassy gay guy, and of course by his music which is so effin adorable.

5H5A0583

He recently was working on an album called “Regeneration” and he dropped “Phase I” yesterday, BUT I subscribed to his website to get the album a day earlier. AND I’VE NEVER MADE A BETTER DECISION IN MY LIFE.

The songs are so much fun, the lyrics are meaningful and the music is dynamic. To be honest I’m not a big fan of calm and soothing songs, unless I’m in a bad mood, so that’s why I was excited even more when I heard them, and that’s how the album became my newest obsession, it’s been on repeat ever since it dropped.

“Feed The Monster” is my favorite song of the album, because it’s the most dynamic song, I also liked it best because I think everyone, and I mean EVERYONE relates to it. It’s about needing love and attention and not being apologetic about it or ashamed of it.

You don’t want to see me jamming over this at home, my parents are literally shouting at me to lower the music volume down, but that ain’t happenin folks, sorry not sorry.

Anyway, you can go to his website and join the regeneration www.misterwillett.com

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna try to finish my uni work, been procrastinating since forever haha. Wishing you a happy hump day and a great week!

oh oh oh, like, comment, share and subscribe to my blog below, would love to know what you think about this, and follow me on twitter @anicorn_blog. XOX.